Like most women, the struggle with my weight goes back as far as I can remember. I grew up watching my mom go on and off Weight Watchers. I remember going with her to weigh ins and watching her track what she ate. It was kind of like a game to me- crossing off how many servings of vegetables, bread, etc. she’d eaten for the day.
My parents divorced when I was in junior high but before then we were a food family. We always had a salad before the main entree, sides, and of course dessert. We went out for pizza every other Friday night.
One night a month my sister and I would each order a medium pizza- and eat both. In junior high a classmate of mine would sing the batman theme song, but substitute “fat girl” for batman. more than once I had people ask me if I was pregnant.
I started really gaining weight to hide myself because of what was going on at home. Putting a barrier between the world and I.
I left home as soon as I graduated and when I got to college instead of gaining the freshman 15, I lost the 15 and gained an eating disorder. Every day I ate the same thing- 6 mini corn tortillas and 3 slices of processed cheese. If I felt like splurging I’d add an onion. On the weekends I’d go “crazy” and get a Subway sandwich and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s.
My sophomore year I started dating a guy who was tall and big. And I tried to keep up with his eating habits. I gained a lot of weight - very quickly. It was ugly. I was again trying to hide what was going on inside of me. Trying to figure out how to come out- literally.
After college I tried every diet- Atkins, South Beach, all rice, all canned foods, - nothing worked.
At 202 pounds I finally decided to go to Weight Watchers. I joined online and slowly started losing the weight. It took years, but I finally got down to 130. Again- an extreme. I still saw myself as weighing over 200 pounds, so I kept trying to lose more weight. My girlfriend started calling me “skeletor” and my family and friends commented on how unhealthy I looked. I still felt huge.
Since then I’ve gained back 16 pounds. I got tired of counting points, working out every day, and just obsessing. I’m under my Weight Watchers goal and a Lifetime Member, but I still feel fat and want to get back to that weight. I’ll settle for 135 at this point.
This is where my blog steps in. My plan is at the end of each blog entry to post what I’ve eaten to make sure I stay on track. (I’d like to lose 10 pounds by Oct.31) My goal is to walk 6,000 to 10,000 steps a day, work out for at least a half an hour every day, and stay under 22 points a day.
9/20
Weight: 1@0
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